Friday, May 15, 2020


It cannot end like this. 

There’s a duality to nature. A cruel mistress skulking around in the forgotten bits of my mind. I find myself looking at her and I see her as she was. As she is. 

I remember the laughter on her face. Tears of joy and levity. I wish more than anything to return to a time so well preserved. I remember how I wanted to wrap her in my arms. Stay with her until I was old and withered. And it’s this thought every time I see her. The past, haunting me. 

It cannot end like this...

She sat with me. A chill lingered in the air that pinched my chest. Almost forget when I was. 

She’s dying. 

Somehow knowing this opens every wound - every loss I’ve known. How can this hurt more than everything? I’ve known death. How is this moment so different that it leaves me in bittersweet agony? I see the laughter of her voice. I feel her standing there, bleeding yet strong. I know everything she’s ever been and I shatter.

It just cannot end. It cannot...

Yes of course I’ll help her. Of course my love, my dear. 

There’s a knife stabbing into me and it twists each time I think of her. She touches me and I live our life once more. A broken sob betrays me. 

Please don’t let it end like this.

I’m walking alone at the shore. Cold claiming my body making hard to breathe. The sun’s rays hold no warmth, no light. She lets go of my hand laughing and running into the surf. 

My knees make hard divots in the sand. She’s gone. She’s gone. 

Forgive me my selfishness.

I cannot let this end.