Wednesday, January 11, 2023

A Million Pieces


My toes are chilled by the salty ocean water as it sweeps forward and buries my feet in quicksand. I inhale deeply and for a brief moment I wonder if forensics could examine my lungs and see how beautiful my last moments were? I shiver from the blood loss and fall down making an indent in the sand. I look across into the blackest of night and hope someone can deduce my last moments were of peace, not pain.

I can feel my heartbeat in my wounds like an SOS but no one ls left to receive the signal. I don’t want to dwell on my death in my last moments. I wonder if they’ll call me a coward for not trying. Could I be saved if I devoted my last bits of strength trying to find someone for help? Are my last moments meant to be about chaos? The world should end in a whimper not a bang. 

The dawn should be coming if I can just hold on for one more sunrise. Slowly, sound starts to wobble and fade. The sky lightens but the waves soothing presence starts to fade. It’s a cruel trade and I cough weakly before falling back.

The ground feels so warm and inviting. I know if I just close my eyes I’ll never have to open them again. I start to lose focus and involuntarily gasp for air and for the first time I feel the pain. I look to the clouds and I feel so heavy. I smile, or try to smile. I’m not sure anymore if my body can respond to my mind. The world is so beautiful. The world is so beautiful.

I feel my eyes close but I can still see. I look down at myself, broken and bloodied, lying on sand. I wonder if I’ll wash out to sea before anyone finds me but I’m not afraid. I stare at the sun and smile. I am not afraid.

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