Here In My Room

 “What would have happened if I came back?” 

Her words startled him as he opened his front door. “You’re here now…” He stepped into the sunlight and turned to lock his door. “I don’t understand what you’re asking.”

She stared off into the distance. “Not now. Then.” He turned towards her, frowning. He pocked his keys and motioned forward and they walked together. “The night you left. What would have happened if I showed back up at your door.”

He squinted at her and slowed as the sun went behind the clouds. “Like you just did?”

“Why are you so daft?” He rolled his eyes and she grabbed his arm to stop him. “What if after you got home, all those years ago, there was a knock at the door and it was me.” 

“I’d be confused…kinda like I am now. What are you trying to ask?”

“If I showed up. If I didn’t give up and let you leave.” His face softened at her words. “Would you have turned me away? Would it have mattered?”

His eyebrows furrowed. “Do you really want to do this?” She looked away in thought before nodding and meeting his eyes again. “We can’t go back and redo life, honey. It doesn’t matter what my answer is because it won’t change anything.”

“I still want to know.” 

Smiling, he fixed her hair that had been carried out of place from the wind. She gently let go of him and he looked down where her touch used to be. “If you had knocked at my door that night…I don’t know. My thoughts were conflicting then.” He wrapped his arm around her back and guided them forward walking together once more. “ I would have wanted to break down. Shut the door and leave you in the dark. Kiss you and pull you inside with childish hopes that you’d never leave.” She glanced up at him quickly and tried to slow but he urged her onward. “I guess it depends on what you said when I opened the door.”

“I’m sorry.” 

He winced and kept the pace. “We’re going to be late.” She pulled away from him and grabbed his hand before it fell back against his side. “I don’t know what you want to hear, honey. I really don’t want to be late.” He shrugged. “We moved on. That’s what people do.”

Her lip quivered. “Did we?” 

His eyebrow raised slightly before his body language shifted. His palm was warm against her cheek. “You still love me.” It wasn’t a question but a statement. She stepped closer and closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. He pulled her into his arms in a hug. “I wish you hadn’t asked.”

She chuckled and leaned against him. Her fingers tickled his side as she wrapped her arms around him. “Do you still love me?”

His lips were warm against her forehead. “It doesn’t matter.” He pulled away and urged her onward. “I don’t want to be late, come on.”